39 things I have learned in Uganda

My time in Uganda is coming to an end soon. On Tuesday, July 8th I will board a plane back to the United States. Although this list is probably not complete, and I tried to add a small amount of humor to it, here are some things I have learned during my seven months in Uganda

1. 9 times out of 10, when someone says “Do you like Irish?” they are referring to potatoes, not the people.
2. No matter what the real excuse is for being late, you can always blame your tardiness on “the Jam” (traffic).
   
3. After 6 months straight of wearing scrubs to work, my coworkers were impressed that I could actually dress “smart” (look nice).
   
4. Conversations are much more fun when you use any combination of about 10 different gasps or hums to show enthusiasm. (ask me for demonstrations).
5. When asking a yes or no question, the simple raising of the eyebrows can mean full agreement, while a small cough can mean disagreement.
6. Having a waiter or waitress ask “warm or cold?” after ordering a beer is totally normal.
7. Keep your electronics fully charged when you have power; you never know when it is going to go out.
8. In the lab, water might be considered “distilled” if it doesn’t have any visible particles floating in it.
9. If asked by a local, “Are you saved?” they are referring to your faith in Jesus Christ, not someone who has helped you. I once was asked by Derrick’s father-in-law if I was saved. Not knowing what he meant, I shrugged and said “Yeah.” He then asked who saved me, to which I shrugged again and said, “Derrick. He’s been a great help.” The shocked look on the old man’s face is something I will never forget.
10. “Let me come” means the same thing as “I will be right back.” This was really confusing the first few times I heard it as someone was walking away.
11. Ugandans are not too familiar with the red bumps of acne on white people’s face. Sometimes the first question when you meet someone is “Ahh, what happened to your face?”
12. If you need to talk to Derrick, you can usually find him in his office, but make sure you knock twice. Says Derrick, “I never answer the door on the first knock. If the person does not knock at least twice, they really don’t need to talk to me that bad.”
13. Drive on the left seems to be more of a suggestion than a law in Uganda.
14. Improvisation is key to almost everything. An example: No clamps needed; the thick band ripped off from the wrist of latex gloves is great for tying the umbilical cord of a newborn.
15. Being told “well done” for just showing up to work is a great way to start the day and a typical Ugandan greeting.
16. “Muzungu” is not a derogatory word; it simply means foreigner or white person. And kids love to get your attention when you are walking by shouting it at you.
17. Nearly all Ugandans I have met defend the life of all animals and insects, besides mosquitoes. Countless times I have been stopped from killing a cockroach by Derrick or my roommates, who go on to let it outside.
18.  In Kampala, locals consider it hot if the temperature is in the low 80’s and cold (bust out the winter jackets and hats) if the temperature is in the mid 60’s. This is about the magnitude of temperature fluctuations in Kampala.
19.  If you are not from New York or California a typical Ugandan does not know where your state is in the United States.
20. Contrary to one student’s belief, just because I am from the United States does not mean I know where to sell the skin of an anteater. Apparently he is under the assumption that there is a huge market in the USA.
21. “You’ve been lost” is a typical expression if you meet someone that you have not seen in a while.
22. Kampala is enormous compared to all other cities in Uganda... just use the taxi park size as a quick comparison. Can you tell which one is in Kampala and which one is in Kayunga, a smaller district where I worked with the House of Peace orphanage?
    
    
    
    
23. Ugandan walking pace = Caddy pace – normal pace. Most, but not all, are very slow walkers
24. There are few things that won’t fit on a boda boda (motorcycle). So far, I have seen an entire dining room set (large table +4 chair), a passenger +windshield, an entire family (dad, mom, 3 kids), 5 crates of soda, mattresses stacked 8 feet high….the list goes on and on!
    
25. When riding around town in a public taxi (matatu), often at least one person in the taxi will ask you if you know where you are going, and they will help make sure that you get off at the right stop and pay a fair price.
26. Ugandans are friendly people, and many will give a polite wave or smile when you pass them on the street. I am always happy to wave and smile back. But it seems that every white person I pass on the street makes a deliberate intention to not make eye contact with me. Still trying to figure out why that is.
27. Whenever a Ugandan does not know the… “what?”…the exact word they want to use, they don’t say “umm,” they say “what?” And depending on the pause ….“what?” …. the pause length and the…"the what?” the situation, I am often confused if someone is…what?...quizzing me or just continuing the sentence.
28. It is totally normal to be sold concentrated hydrochloric acid like this, which was poured out of a larger bottle with similar markings. This was $4 by the way.
    
29. Wear sunscreen and sunglasses if you climb to the peak of the Rwenzori mountains. Our faces looked like this and it burned when I opened my eyes for 3 days.
    
    
    
30. There are many Ugandans starting great organizations, such as Befriender Uganda, an organization that seeks to raise awareness and remove the stigma associated with Suicide and mental health. I attended an awareness walk with this organization, which consisted of a band, many signs, and people walking around the crowded streets of Kampala.
31. You can usually predict the restaurant meal price from the bathroom amenities...lowest price is a tank of water with bar soap, middle price is a sink with liquid soap, and you are at a classy place if the bathroom is complete with a sink, soap, and paper towels.
32. Everyone has a team the are supporting for the World Cup: From left to right, Scofield with Germany, me with Ethiopia aka just wanting to fit in, Elias with Netherlands, and Charlie with Brazil 
    
33. If you are buying a movie, make sure it is in English. You can get movies that are dubbed over by a guy who translates into Lugandan. The same guy narrates nearly all movies. When asking my roommates and Derrick why they buy some movies in Luganda format, as they all speak good English, they replied that the man narrating "adds things to the movie that isn't their normally that makes it better."
34. If someone starts a sentence with, "I have heard that in the United States...." chances are what they have heard is inaccurate.
35. You will get asked "Yes, boss, we go?" by boda boda (motorcycle) drivers no matter what you are doing when in public. Many times I have been running, with headphones in, and asked if I needed a ride. Only slightly demoralising, as if to say "Enough suffering, It looks like you need a ride."
36. If you are eating a meal, and get a bone stuck in your throat, it is common knowledge that the best way to get the bone out is to go get the pot that the meat was cooked in, put it on your head, and run in the direction that the animal originally came from. And all this time I thought the heimlich maneuver  was the best way to get stuff out of your throat....
37. It might just be the strong European presence in Uganda, but it seems like way more people smoke cigarettes here than in the USA.
38. It is a great sign of respect to be given a Buganda name from a coworker. Irene, a midwife at Mulago gave me the name Kalule, which made me her brother.
    
39. Nothing makes you feel more welcome in a foreign place than great friends.